I've got a Question
by TheWonderBunny
Summary: A funny one-shot about a first year draco and the many questions he asks.


Jizzy: Hello! welcome to my first Harry Potter one-shot! Hope you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Harry Potter

Special thanks to LizzAnn, I wouldn't have been able to write it without her...no seriously.

Professor Severus Snape was and had been many things, but never had he excelled in explaining things to small children, especially _annoying_small children.

"But what happened then?" Draco Malfoy (who was just a first year at the time) asked.

"The sun came out and it dried up all the rain." Severus hissed hoping the small boy would feel threatened and leave him alone.

"What happened to the spider?" Draco asked propping his head up with his elbows.

Snape peered down at him," It drowned," he snapped obviously annoyed, but Draco didn't notice.

"Really? That's so stupid, why did it drown? I thought spiders were smart," he paused and looked up at snape seriously," Severus," he said using his first name," How are babies made?"

Snape paused and looked up from his half graded papers. How are babies made? He hadn't figured that out himself until he turned 15. What a ludicrous question. Hadn't Lucious told him how babies were made?

"Severus," Draco said again," How are babies made?" He leaned in to listen intently.

"What did you're mother tell you?" He asked curiously.

"Mom? She said that when a husband and wife wanted a perfect little baby like me, then an owl brought them one. She also said that a pigeon most have brought Potter to his parents."

"Did she now?" He laughed to himself," What about your father?"

"Dad told me that I was being ridiculous, that all Malfoys were born knowing how to make babies."

"Your father said that?" Snape asked.

"Of course." Draco said.

That was funny, especially since he knew first-hand Lucious hadn't even known the meaning of the word sex until his third year.

"So where do babies come from?" Draco asked persistently.

"Babies are made when a man and a woman think that they have an attraction to each other. They become stupid and their logic is clouded. They hop into a bed and do things only grown-ups do. Then the woman has a baby inside of her. It ruins her life because it was unplanned and she'll eventually contract a fatal disease called aids. She'll go into labor and die because of birthing complications. The baby is then left orphaned and in most cases has down-syndrome. Then the baby grows up bitter and mad at the world. He does stupid things, and the cycle repeats itself all over again." Draco could hear Snape draw a quick breath.

After a few moments Draco spoke up again," what's that thing that the grown-ups do in a bed?" He asked leaning in close as if it was some world-wide secret.

"I never told you what it was." Snape said ready to snap and break the boy's neck at any given time.

"Well what was it then?" Draco asked again.

Snape leaned over his desk so that his face was only inches away from Draco's, " Don't you have anything better to do then sit here and pester me?"

"No, so why is it just grown-ups?" Draco asked yet again.

"No reason, it's just one of those things that only grown-ups should do." Snape said sighing annoyed.

"Why just grown-ups?" Draco asked again.

Snape was now seriously considering the snapping his neck option.

"Because they've been through puberty."

" What's that?"

"What's what?"

"Puberty?"

"You'll find out in a couple of years."

"But I want to know now!" Draco whined.

" It's nothing to concern yourself with yet Draco."

" Can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?" snape asked through pursed lips.

"I over heard Professors Trelawney and Sprout talking about something and when I asked them what they were talking about they wouldn't tell me."

" What did they say?"

"What's an Orgasm?"

Snape nearly fell back out of his chair. It was bad enough having to explain about the babies, but now having to explain about sexual things on top of that? He looked at Draco. The boy had an innocent look on his face which told Snape he really had no idea.

"Ask your father." Was all he had to say.

"Okay, whatever happened to Humpty Dumpty when they couldn't put him back together again?"

"He bled to death."

"But he was an egg."

"They threw him away."

"Oh. Hey do you have any friends?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because they serve no purpose for me."

"Why?"

"They don't do anything except for follow you around."

"Why?"

"Because their idiots."

"Why?"

"Do you have any friends Draco?" Snape asked ending the series of why's.

Draco looked up and placed a finger on his chin in thought, he wasn't sure if he had friends. But why wouldn't he? Everyone wanted to be his friend. Well except for Potter, but he would learn his lesson very soon.

"No," he finally answered," I have no friends."

Snape was surprised, he thought the blond haired boy would answer with tons, not none.

"I have followers. Devoted slaves." Draco said with a smirk on his small pale face.

"That's terrific." Snape muttered not really caring about the boy or his friends or slaves anymore.

Draco jumped surprised when the giant bell tolled throughout the castle beckoning the children and teens back to their dorms for a nights sleep.

"Draco, off with you. It's time for bed."

"Why?"

-End!

Jizzy: AHHHHH! So I wrote that in like two days and did most of it in my mathematics class. Tell me what you thought! And please review it!.


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